1. The potential Colonel must undertake to perform the muffage in adherance to stringent health and safety regulations. Namely the participant will be sufficiently lubricated and seated at a 'ye Olde English pub/inn' establishment.

 

2. The muffage will be executed thusly:

The willing participant will instigate the procedure with the subsequent paraphernalia:

- One Pint (0.5682612 litres) of English Ale (a poor imitation European lager is just about acceptable).

- A ye Olde English oak table (a poor imitation European IKEA copy is just about acceptable).

 

"This is the first Colonel Muff of the Evening"

I. One sip of ale is consumed holding the glass with one finger, followed by one tap on table of thine glass. The participant will perform one tap with one finger on the table with each hand then on each knee with each hand then one tap of each foot all to be done in a right to left fashion.

 

"This is the second Colonel Muff Muff of the evening"

II. As in I. but with 2 of everything.

 

"This is the third and final Colonel Muff Muff Muff of the evening"

III. As in I. but with 3 of everything.

 

"Once a Colonel" displace the glass from its resting position with your rightmost hand (thumb and index finger closest to the Earth) and rotate it 180 degrees clockwisely about the plane perpendicular to the surface of the Earth and perpendicular to your nose. The Glass should be raised about three inches for this operation and the centre of rotation should be about the centre of gravity of thine glass. Then say “always a colonel”.